Big....Bigger....Biggot

So this morning I saw that more tape had been leaked of Mel Gibson freaking out.  Why is this shocking?  Why is it a surprise?  Who cares?  Honestly.......w.h.o c.a.r.e.s  Apparently he was working on a movie called "The Maccabees". (hehe)  To make a short story even shorter his co-writer wrote him a letter, post vacation freak out, that he realized that Mel was just doing this movie to mend his anti-Semitic image but that he really hates Jews.  In the words of my 6th grade self.......No Duh.  Is this really surprising to anyone.  If it came out today that Morgan Freeman hated white people tomorrow we'd see previews for "How Miss Daisy Got Her Groove Back".  Of course Mel is trying to save his career.  He went from  hollywoods hottest Aussie to hollywoods incredibly haggard looking jew-hater.  He's probably had a complete nervous breakdown.  Why does it matter so much whether or not he is a biggot.  The majority of the population is to some extent.  He should be reprimanded for not keeping it to himself.  When you become a movie star or anything else in the public eye you have no business spouting any sort of hatred at anytime.  You have chosen to have people look up to you and therefore have chosen to hold yourself to a higher standard.  On the other side of the coin America, you have to be a little more consistent with this whole "we are so offended" fad.  Chris Brown beat the crap out of a woman.   Black eyes, bruises, swollen face, cuts......the whole nine.  Yet, you people are still buying this mo fo's records and concert tickets.  All I picture is the classic Nixon pose flashing the double peace sign with a text bubble that says " I just beat the hell out of my wife....but I Love Me Some Jews!!!!"  Sounds like something you'd see in the comics of the paper.  The crazy thing is that this is exactly what we are saying.  If its excusable for a man to beat a woman why is it inexcusable for someone spout ignorant racial slurs?  I'm no feminist but if Mel Gibson hated women would this be as big of an issue?

joe-sama bin laden

I have to say that I feel sorry for George Zimmerman as well as the Martin family.  Both have lost so much and this is a sad situation for all parties.  I will say I think the media and this whole black vs. white crap gets really old.  My husband looks like this.....

He is Samoan....but he looks like a mexican or a terrorist.  Would people wear hoodies in remembrance of him or demand for George Zimmerman's head?.......(besides me of course)
I gotta say I don't think so.

Operator....I need a line to Norman Rockwell

I am a dying breed of people who still have vague memories of the rotary phone.  I have actually used one to call someone!  (So amazing since I am only 29.)  If memory serves, we had one at the Karen Circle house.  Then of course we upgraded to a corded touch tone....from there the cord was elongated to reach the span of our entire kitchen and dining room.  Then the cordless phone, and on from there.  I'm not writing to give a techy history lesson from rotary to motorolla, however.  Sorry.  I am writing because I am sick of never being unavailable.  We are NEVER unavailable anymore.  If we just take it from corded touch tone.......One nap at a time, (my nephews version of once upon a time) we set out a time to correspond with friends/family via telephone.  Most of the time the phone was in the kitchen and on a short leash.  I remember my mother would sit at the kitchen table with her Marlboro and Maxwell House and chat with whomever for 30/45 minutes.  Then, however, it was the inevitable "Gotta go get the laundry done" or other various and sundry yet very true reasons.  Then came the cordless.  That beautiful, large and heavy ticket to chore freedom.  With a press of a button and that moment when your hand reaches to extend that glorious bright silver antennae like Harry Potter with neon pumps and feathered hair.  You reach for your wand, you extend and EXPELLIAMUS!!!!  You are magically whisked away to a nirvana where you can make dinner, do the dishes, bath the kids, watch tv and fold the laundry all while in nonstop conversation with Tiffany who thinks her boyfriends, brothers, uncles, dad might really be a woman.  Still, Tiff would have to cut the conversation short if you had to run any errands outside of the home.  To cut this short we'll time warp to more present......  Then came the cell phone. (insert darth vadar theme music)  This was the invention to end all inventions right!!!!!  We would never miss a call!!!  Never miss a bit of gossip or news!!  We could now not only do the dishes, cook the dinner, bath the kids, watch tv, and fold the laundry whilst on the phone......we have added putting the kids in the car, grocery shopping, driving/navigating, getting the kids out of the car, being in the office, being out of the office, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc!!!!!!!!   Who's sick idea was this?  A relative of Snooki's no doubt.  I personally can't take it anymore.  I am never unavailable!!!  Upon answering a call from a friend of mine the other day, she said "wow!  I can't believe it!  It's like talking to a celebrity!  You never answer your phone...you always call me back."  I know she was joking and I hope she doesn't take offense to this because its not meant to be a zing towards her but.......think about it.  Generally speaking, the expectation is there.  It almost seems flakey that I don't have my phone on me at all times....like a gun in its holster ready to Aaron Burr your Andrew Jackson.  Another person once commented that I don't always reply to texts.  To me this makes sense because not every text merits a response.  Sometimes it just seems like a statement.   To said person, however, it seems like I am ignoring them.......text etiquette.   Please believe I love and appreciate all my friends and family but sometimes  you are just trying to take a drive and relax......you've got the Allman Brothers playing, your kid comments on how Little Martha is her theme song and the North Georgia mountains are all around you.   AAAAH!!! (a sigh of relief)   Then your phone rings. You pick it up.  In the span of five minutes you receive 4 text messages from someone else while you are on the phone and your email announcement beeps 3 times in your ear graciously letting you know each time you get some spam about American Intercontinental University!  When was the last time someone sat and watched the sunset without having to take a picture of it with their iphone and post it to facebook while simultaneously writing...."watching the sunset!" as a status update.  I spose that I'm getting away from my telephone specific rant but it all blends perfectly.  Its all a part of our constant availability.  Watch, people will be offended thinking it is a direct jab at them and stop calling or texting me.  Or they won't answer my calls or texts and say "I was unavailable".  That's not the point though.  The point is that although cell phone are life savers say, if you get lost......sometimes thats exactly what you want to do. (or should do)   Those times of being lost or alone or even just quiet are important.  Its important to be unavailable!!!  Plus, have you ever tried pushing a cart through the grocery store while on the phone?  Exactly........

Does this blog make my butt look big?

For my virgin blogging voyage I've chosen a topic that is very dear to my black heart.  For as long as I can remember my mother has always said that I had a vicious mean streak.  Sometimes it hurt my feelings, other times I would laugh maliciously in my mind and think "you have no idea".  Friends and acquaintances have always considered me to be pretty funny.  I have actually made two people wet themselves in fits of uncontrollable laughter.  Yes, I know, pretty awesome.  I have in fact nearly wet MYSELF because I was so funny.  That's real.  I've come to realize though that there is truth in my mothers words.  Much of my humor is based on making fun of people.  (which I'm sure will be apparent in blogs to come)  I often find humor humor in everyday human nature. What do we have if we can't make fun of ourselves as a faulted species. The difficult part comes when its not so funny.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the icecream man and everyone comes up to my truck ordering an ice cream sundae....but  they are sure to remind me to add the cherry on top because they can't handle it otherwise.  Or maybe I have a hotdog stand on the corner of a busy city street and everyone that orders a hotdog asks me to sugar coat it because they don't want to really know what they are eating.  I don't know.....maybe my mom's completely right...am I the only one who gets sick of walking on eggshells?  Especially lately, I find that I have a significantly difficult time not saying "Do you really need to ask if those pants make you look fat?"  I know that blatant truth isn't always appropriate but sugarcoating should be equally as inappropriate sometimes.  I was watching an episode of What Not To Wear today and this 36 year old mother of two was on it.  She entered the 360 mirror with this faded camo t-shirt and some stretch jeans that were so tight I felt constricted.  The thing that bothered me was that  Stacey and Clinton said "sometimes a stretch jean isn't appropriate and this faded part here draws attention to parts you don't really want attention drawn to."  I'm sorry.  All I could focus on was the fact that this chick had a camel toe so huge, so obvious, that she could easily cross the Sahara desert in about 5 steps with it.  (The real problem doesn't lie with how we look btw.....that's just the funny part.)    I think this sugar coating expectancy....ie sickness... begins when we are developing in childhood.  Sometimes I feel my eye twitch at the 20th time Marley says watch me do this.  I don't get annoyed at her wanting me to watch her.....it's the obvious fact that she wants me to compliment her everytime.  As I say "wow marley!  That was awesome!"  I hear myself scream in my head "Well woopidy doo you dribbled the ball 4 times in a row!   Come back when you shoot a 3 pointer"  hehe.  Maybe this makes me a terrible mother or a terrible person but I can't help but feel like sometimes we just need to be told the truth.  Myself included.  What a breath of fresh air it would be if we could just be truly honest with each other once in a while without having to back it up with "but you've got a great personality!!!!"...or some crap.  Here's hoping